When did I change my layout?

I just noticed that my layout has changed and I don't remember doing it. Guess it must have been one of those times I was messing with everything.

I need to get rid of my blue curtains in the bedroom. Memphis woke up and climbed in bed with us, gave me a hug and kiss and was out. I was just going to put her back in bed and when I went to pick her up I noticed her face was all blue. Scared the crap out of me, I almost screamed. I put my hand on her to make sure she was breathing and freak out again because she breathes so slow. After I calmed down it hit me that with the tv and computer on the blue of the curtains was shining on her face.

In tears

My friend Amanda left the world of facebook, she told me she would keep in touch with texting but today was the first text I received from her and it was about swag bucks. She isn't even following my blog and I check hers all the time.

I have what? Really?!?

Just when I thought my milk was finally dried up I start to leak so of course I do what any normal woman who doesn't want to have milk coming out of her breast for so long that she will be able to breastfeed her grandchildren......NO, Dakota is not going to be a daddy.....I slapped on the only tight bra I had left on.

Then IT happened, Memphis leaned on me and I screamed....I bet my neighbors thought Chris was killing me....I threw her off moved her away from me, went in my bedroom and checked my boobs. I felt a lump under my nipple so I did what everyone does, searched the Internet to see what was wrong. I came up with breast cancer and mastitis and thought mastitis could NEVER happen to a person that hasn't breastfed/pumped in over a year...right?

I didn't want to go to the Dr so I did the next best thing, I went to Kristy, Rena, Tina and Christy and was told by them to go to the Dr. Kristy did tell me to feel myself up to see if I was hot and told me to talk to another friend that just went through this. When I posted 'now it itches' as my facebook status 2 other friends asked what was going on. They told me it could be a blocked milk duck duct and told me what I could do to get it unblocked. So a hot shower....which I was avoiding to dry the milk up....was what I did, along with playing with myself rubbing my boob, I did get some milk to come out and it felt better.

The lump is gone but if I don't keep squeezing milk out it gets sore, to keep it from turning into mastitis I read not to wear a tight bra and I have to keep up with the hot showers and squeezing milk out....at this rate I will be able to breastfeed my grandchildren....again, Dakota is NOT going to be a daddy.

Way to hot for me....what about you?

For the last week it has been in the 90's here and the idiot weather man kept saying we were going to get storms.....yes everyday I heard we were going to have a storm.....never came. We finally got some rain today and it has cooled off a little.

Hopefully it will be nice enough that the girls can go outside more and I won't sweat to death when we go shopping. I swear these stores up here didn't have their a/c on, I was dripping with sweat sweating after being in any store for 10 minutes. Church is the worst, they don't have a/c so I fan myself with paper....have been looking for a personal fan and can't find one.....am kicking myself in the butt for not getting one at the Wilderness Park and really thinking of going back just to get one.

Yes, Kristy, I still want to move south. If I won the lottery I would have a house in the south for winter and one up here for the summer.

Lebron James

If I hear his stupid story again before I go to bed I am going to pull my hair out. Get over it! He left and there is nothing you can do. He is so full of himself why would you want him on your team? Isn't Miami already a good team? What is he going to do for them? He is as bad as that MSU coach taking forever and a day to decide what he was going to do.

inSOMniA

I can't sleep and wouldn't you know it, nothing is on tv. You would think with 3 hundred thousand channels something would be on. I'm really thinking about putting a movie in but know if I do I will never sleep....and I really need to....I just know Memphis will be walking in the door within the next 2 hours with a good chance that she is up for the day.

If I remember I will be calling my Dr tomorrow to let him know I am no longer going to take the antivert b/c I have problems sleeping when I am on it and whatever that pill he gave me to help me sleep isn't working....told him it wouldn't but I guess the medical books know more about me than I do.

Hmmmmmm

My friend Danielle thinks I can't hit 100 post on this blog before the year is up.....she is already half way there. I could have sworn I told her picture posts don't count.....maybe the removal of my uterus has caused me to just think I told her that. Had I have known they counted I would have asked to take pictures of my surgery so I could share with everyone.
Love ya girl!!!

Can you learn to like coffee?

I figured since I am getting old I should drink coffee like the old people do. I have been getting it at the local gas station before buying a coffee maker....yes....I don't own a coffee maker and yes.....I know I should for those that drink it.

I knew I wouldn't drink it black so I first tried with milk and sugar, that was a no go so I tried creamer.....no, I really didn't think it would be different then milk.....just didn't have any flavor creamers available at the time. I have tried every flavor the gas station has and found a few that I like, now I have to find the right amount of sugar to put in. Is it possible to have coffee not taste like coffee or sugar? Just so you know....I have only used 2 packets at a time....ok....3 for the bigger cup.

I'm starting to think I need to try flavored coffee, but where do I find cheap flavored coffee?

I blogged this week, did you?

Thanks for the title Danielle.

Now what to blog about? I can always think of things when I have other things to do and by time I get on here I forget what I was thinking of. I just thought of something you all wanted to know.

When I was doing my research on what to expect with the hysterectomy many times I found where woman said they didn't have orgasms anymore or they weren't as good. With that and all the pain I had before I was scared to have sex again, don't get me wrong, I wanted it....BOY did I want it. I am happy to say that I no longer have pain while having sex and the orgasms have never been better.

19 years ago today

I can't believe that 19 years ago at this time I was sitting in my hospital room enjoying my time with my first born....he was a little over 12 hours old.

I ended up having a c-section with him for many reasons. I know many will say "your Dr was just trying to scare you", but, I am glad I made the choice I did and if I had to do it again....not knowing how big he was....I would. Face it, back in 1991 we didn't have internet like we do now so I couldn't look anything up or go on a chat board and ask what anyone thought, not to mention no one really knows how far along I was b/c we weren't trying and I bled like AF was here. He was my first so when I was told he could be anywhere from 9 lbs to 11 lbs and a c-section was best for both of us I chose to do what was best for my son, yes I know some have popped big babies out with no problem but back then I didn't....and even if I did I would have still chosen to go in the next morning to have a c-section.

My EDD was April 15, they changed it to later and didn't tell me. When I went in for my appointment on the 16th and found out my DD was changed and was a week away and they wouldn't do anything for 2 weeks I complained. She wheeled the u/s machine in and said I could have him the next day, he measured 10 lbs. Bad part was he didn't want to come out, he hadn't dropped and my body was no where near ready to deliver him....that was another reason for the c-section. She told me they could induce but b/c I wasn't dilated and he hadn't dropped it could take a few days for him to come out.

Anyway....they cut my water and just about everyone in the room got wet....yes I had a ton of water with all my kids....the first thing I heard was, "look at all that hair", followed by, "the placenta is big too". Got to see Dakota for a little, couldn't touch him b/c back then they tied your arms down. They wouldn't let me see him for most of the morning b/c he had water on his lungs but by late afternoon he was in the room with me and stayed there until the next day when my nurse made me sleep....she even gave me something to help.

I love you my son, even though I never had a day of sinus or asthma problems until after I had you....yes I blame you, I can, I'm your mom :-)

Sleep, what is that?

My friend Danielle has let me know I need to update my blog so here I am.

Memphis has been a handful the past month. She will only nap once a day and I am lucky if she is down for 2 hours, on top of that she doesn't want to fall asleep for the night. We had some nice weather so we were outside a lot but even though she ran her heart out she still took a while to fall asleep most days. She doesn't just cry, she screams like she did for more then half of her first year. I can hear her off and on right now....great now she is screaming again....will be back.

UGH!!!! She is now in my bed doing everything she can to keep herself from falling sleep. So far I have been lucky and she hasn't woken Cheyenne yet, she does keep her from going back to bed if she wakes up to pee. Putting her winter coat on was working, now she heads for the door if I put it on.

I thought these kids were supposed to sleep better the older they got.

Pros and Cons

Going to write a pro and con list for both the gel and patch, will come back and update when I think of something else.

Patch
Pro
was horny all the time
only had to change twice a week
worked within 24 hours
had the best sex dream ever

Con
after a while it didn't for as long as it should




Gel
Pro
Don't have to get any sticky stuff off me

Con
have to remember to put it on everyday
have to wait for it to dry before getting dressed
more watery then gel
had a couple nightmares.

I'm such a bitch

Cheyenne's whining got to me today, I usually tell her to leave the room if she is going to whine and most of the time she will stop and if not she goes to her room. Today I was so fed up with it that I yelled at her to get away from and go to her room, that I was sick and tired of her whining all the time. Of course this made her cry and she didn't want to leave so Chris picked her up and took her to the living room.

I felt bad but was trying to call to see how much this gel or the patch was going to cost and I got one of those stupid answering systems that if it hears anything it doesn't understand....such as whining...it says "I don't understand what you said, please try again" and repeats the question it had. I even tried to bypass it by hitting 0 and still had to answer questions so I answered them with a "I don't have it", after a few of those it said it had to get a person for me to talk to.

Because I am a bitch I put in my complaint about that stupid answering system. The lady, who sounded old, told me she understood and was going to get it to the person it needed to go to....have no idea if she really will but I can hope. I'm sure she understood once I told her what I needed a price for and to see if there was a generic I could use. I did find out that both the patches and gel would be $40 for a 90 day supply and she only found one generic that was close to them and the would be $6 something for a 90 day supply.....that is if I send them in and most likely I will.

Once I got off the phone I went and hugged Cheyenne and told her how sorry I was, I think I told her I was sorry and didn't let go of her for 10 minutes. At the end she said it was ok but I still feel bad so we will be doing something special when Memphis takes a nap tomorrow.

This gel sucks

I can't believe this gel takes 2-7 weeks to kick in, I'm beginning to think I should have just sucked it up and stuck with the patch.

I was reading the paper that my NP gave me with the gel, it says to learn what causes a hot flash and not do it....do they realize EVERYTHING I do causes me to have a hot flash, as a matter of fact I am just starting to get another one just sitting her typing this.

Chris told me he was talking to the neighbor on the bedroom side the other day and he asked about the window being open so Chris told him I sit under it when I have a hot flash....I would use a fan but it is much easier to reach up and open/close the window at night instead of getting out of bed to turn the fan on/off. I told Chris today that it is good the neighbors know about the hotflashes, now I can go outside in shorts and a tshirt without them calling the nut farm....yes at first I said in my bra and underwear.

On top of the hot flashes my face broke out and my milk came back...haven't pumped since last June...now I am wearing my tight sports bras 24/7 and I have to say I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!

6 weeks after

I had my 6 week post op appointment today, everything is healing just fine....still no sex until 8 weeks.

I changed from the patch to a gel. The patch wasn't working long enough for me, the day before and a little of the day I changed the patch I would get hot flashes. I think it would have worked better if I changed every 3 days b/c Wednesdays and Thursdays weren't all to bad but for some reason you have to change them on the same day every week and by Sunday I had hot flashes come and go all day and would last until the end of Monday....kind of like starting from the beginning. Didn't think to ask about changing every 3 days until after I left so not sure if I could.

This gel I have to put on the same time every day. I just put it on at 8, waited for the girls to go to bed so they wouldn't be all in it. It says it could take 2-7 weeks before I see any relief....great!!! The gel comes in little packets so I don't have to guess at how much to use, just open it and spread it on my thigh then wait for it to dry which isn't as long as I thought it would be. I even get a little case to put them in and $20 off my next 12 prescriptions....this stuff is going to be expensive. OY This card says I pay the first $30 and they will pay up to $20 of the rest, I'm going to have to call my insurance company and see how much this stuff is going to run....I think our copay for the real stuff is $30 so this card will do me no good and we will go broke spending $30 a week for this crap.

When the kids grow up

My little boy has grown up and might be flying the coop this summer. I have to say, I am glad he let me know so far in advance...he even asked if I would be ok with it. He has 2 job offers in Florida, somewhere by Miami, so I know it is best he goes if he gets paid enough. He is still stuck working with his grandpa, the ex's dad, and I don't like it. I really wish BIL* would have came through with the job in for the city. I actually didn't cry when he told me but I feel the tears coming now. Now we HAVE to get down south.....anywhere down there.

I told him he had to make sure he had money in the bank so if anything happened to his family up here he would be able to get back, reminded him that his sisters...especially Cheyenne...would miss him so he had to visit, that he had to make sure he was going to work year round for the construction job, to start saving his money for the move and to make a list of the pros and cons of both jobs before he decides which one he is going to take. I sure hope I didn't leave anything out. OH, I also told him when he made up his mind he had to tell the family.

I really don't like this but would never tell him not to go. All I can think of is something happening to him and me not being able to get to him before he dies. HATE. BEING. A. PARENT.

The patch

The patch I am using gets changed twice a week, it was working good...one hot flash a day...for a while, now I am getting hotflashes like crazy and I can tell when a mood swing hits. I think it is b/c these things aren't sticking that well, maybe I should try taping them on, so I have to change them more often. It also doesn't help that Memphis has this need to pull things off of me. I will sit on my bed when I start to burn up and take my shirt off, Memphis follows and tries to peel the patch off.

I have to remember not to take my temp during a hot flash, our thermometer is one of those that you take from the temple so it isn't accurate during a hot flash.

Dry mouth

The dry mouth lasted a few days, Chris kept telling me that so long as I was taking the pain meds it wouldn't get better. I almost yelled at him b/c I know all I needed was to get enough water in me and it would go away....I was right but didn't tell him.

Day of Surgery (after)

The first thing I remember was how dry my mouth was, with all the surgeries I have had this was the worse one. I was very thankful that they didn't give me crackers to eat, they gave me pudding instead. I drank a lot but it wasn't helping.

The only pain I had was when my bladder would fill up, I couldn't tell I had to go pee until it was full....or so I thought. The let me walk to the bathroom and told me to pull the string when I was done so someone could walk next to me. I didn't go much, I didn't think it was enough for them to tell but they said it was blue so I did.

Chris was able to come in the room with me, I was in and out and he kept telling me to stay up if I wanted to go home. I almost yelled at him b/c I knew all I had to do was pee then I could go....I could rest at home. The nurse put in a call to Dr R so we had to wait for her to call back. She wanted blood work done before I left so we waited forever for them to come do that. Finally got the ok to go home.

Cheyenne wanted to know why I was in a wheelchair so I had to explain why I was ok but had to be wheeled out of the hospital. I don't know who was more happy to see who, me see the girls or them see me.

I have to say, if you can have robotic surgery have it....I left the hospital in less pain then when I had my gall bladder out.

I didn't eat that day, tried to but it just stuck to my mouth. I did down water all night. Chris and Dakota did good with keeping the girls out of the bedroom so I could sleep.

Day of Surgery (before)

I know this is late.

Dakota had a friend go with us b/c we found out at the last minute that the girls couldn't leave the main floor of the hospital, she helped Dakota watch them. We pulled in the parking lot, parked and I said good bye to the girls....Dakota took them to my sisters until she went to work....Cheyenne had a hard time with it even after talking to her before we left. I told her she was going to go to Aunt Macana'a (Veronica's) house with Dakota, Memphis and Danielle until she had to leave for work then she would come back to the hospital and I would be done soon after and could see her. That seemed to helped, she did ask about Zoila and when I told her she was at school Cheyenne wanted to go to school. I gave her a kiss, hug and told her I loved her, then went to the other side and did the same to Memphis....for some reason Dakota didn't want the talk, kiss or hug.

Chris and I checked in and waited to be called back. I was getting nervous as we waited and took the computer while Chris went to do something, was going to start a blog but read the comments to the last blog and tried to comment but it wouldn't work. For those of you wondering what I was talking about going up my butt, it wasn't a penis, it was a fleet enema. Anyway as I was trying to send that they called my name and I never got it sent.

I had to go back alone to get undressed and hooked up, it took a while for them to get done....not sure why. They finally let Chris come back and we talked about the surgery, that is when I almost lost it. I couldn't help but think I would never be able to give Dakota a brother he could play with, that is all he asked for from the time he was 4 until he was a teenager. I say almost b/c the hospital Pastor came in as I was starting to loose it so I had to compose myself. Then of course I had to ask myself if this was ok with God and should I ask the Pastor if it was ok and I told my self that if it wasn't ok then a Priest would have walked in.

Didn't have to wait long after that for Dr R to come in and say we were ready to roll. I was wheeled in the OR, put on the table then knocked out. I did get to see the robotic machine they used, boy, that thing is cool.

And Chris, I remember the anesthesiologists name was Wendy and I do remember what she looks like.

Oh the hormones

Not a good thing when after having a hysterectomy and not being on any hormones to have your son get in a bad accident...damn lucky he walked away...have your daughter cut her hair b/c it was in her face...she won't keep anything in it to keep it up...and have a friend die.

I have to drink what?

I am drinking my Magnesium Citrate, it is cherry flavored and very sour. The bottle says you have to drink 8oz of something with it, all I have is water and grape juice...neither one taste good with it. This is really making me sick and I still have half the bottle to go. I do have to say, it is better then having something shoved up my butt.

Don't make me mad

Chris and Dakota love to get me going, they work together a lot and I'm not sure who is worse although I blame Chris for making Dakota this way.

Tonight I told Dakota that he might have to take this Thursday off or go in late...it is ok b/c he works for his grandpa. I have pre-surgery tests in the morning...not sure what or why...and Chris has an appointment with his Neurosurgeon....not sure what time....so I told him I would let him know when Chris got home. I told him he could work Wednesday, he was going to take the morning off so Chris could be in my pre-surgery appointment with me but he is worried I won't be done before he has to be at his appointment. Anyway....I told Dakota he might have to drive us back and forth so we can both be where we need to be and he told me he didn't have a license. I thought he left it somewhere so I asked him where it was, he went on to tell me how it was suspended for speeding. Now I'm not dumb so I'm trying to figure out why they would suspend it the first time he was pulled over so I continue to ask questions and he goes on about it not being the first time and about other things until he could see I was going to burst a vessel. He starts laughing and tells me he has it.

Being the nice mother that I am lets him know that if they have to take everything during this surgery that he may not want to play his games anymore. Dakota, "why?" Me, "Well, if they take both ovaries I may be a bitch like when AF comes." Him, "what do you mean?" Me, "You know aunt flo" he gets that look like he doesn't understand on his face so I go one....like I always do when him and Chris get that look...."you know, once a month when blood comes gushing out of me" Yes, that is all I got out b/c he started to yell that he knew now as he walked away.

So long, farewell.....

The witch has left the building forever!!!! May she grace the presence of some unsuspecting little tween and always visit Dakota's girlfriend/wife until I am ready to be a grandma.

Surgery time change

Yes, I'm writing this more so I don't forget b/c I can't find a pen right now. I now have to be at the hospital at 9 and surgery will be at 11.

Just when I thought the pain was gone forever

It came back....and boy did it come back.

AF left yesterday late afternoon, I thought maybe I could participate in Panty Free Friday and was happy...but...I know my body and didn't chance it. Woke up this morning and to my surprise there was no sign of AF and still no pain....after going that long without pain it usually doesn't come back until I get close to ovulating....but it came back when AF did. I swear she always leaves something behind so she can come back and get it...I have even told her I would send whatever she wanted to her...but...she insists on coming back. Now I am sitting in pain and have nothing to take....my Dr isn't on call and I really don't feel like going to the ER and waiting forever...who knows...my pain may be gone before I am seen.

UPDATE: Did't go in, pain went away....of course AF is still around. UGH!!!!

I'm so bad!!!

Chris was asking about what all they would be taking out, I told him the cervix, uterus and ovary.....he doesn't understand why she won't take both out....I told him I think she will b/c of the cyst but to write it down and ask her. He asked why the cervix and isn't that where the peepee goes, what would happen when we had sex and he kept saying the hole would be gone....I of course gave him a funny look and told him to write it down and ask. He told me he was being serious and wanted to know if when the cervix was gone if he would feel my guts....I told him yes. He then asked if I was going to start growing hair on my face....again I told him yes.

Then I really had to get him, see, after the first time we had sex I told him I had a sex change....you should have seen the look on his face, talk about priceless....wish I had a camera for that one. Yep, you guessed it, I told him I was going to be a man again and we were going to be gay, again, I wish I had a camera with me. Since this conversation I told him I was going to have my dick put back on....he told me I needed to stop.

Yes I know that was mean, but you gotta admit it was funny.

BTW That first night he had picked me up from work and b/c my car was there he had to drive me to work in the morning. Lola came on the radio....yes....I got that look again. Yes, he knew about Dakota and did ask about me being pg but I can't remember what I told him. We joke about it often, especially if Lola comes on the radio.

Da Vinci surgery

This is the surgery I will be having done. They can do many different types of surgery with this machine. I must say, I think it is cool that I will be having surgery with a machine....after all....aren't we supposed to be flying in the air like the Jetsons now?

Chris doesn't care for the fact that it is a machine but I think I finally got him to understand this is the new way to go and if it means I will recover faster and if I have to spend the night in the hospital it will be b/c the surgery is so late. When I was pg with Memphis I had seen the flyer about the Da Vinci surgery in the waiting room and told Chris at that time that is what I was going to do. Dr. Russell is one of the few Dr.'s here that know how to use the machine and she even had a demo at the hospital, unfortunately, Chris had to be at work at that time so I didn't get go.

OUCH!!!!!!!

Damn this pain!!!!

The Darvocet isn't working for long anymore and I can't take Ibuprofen until after my surgery, I'm counting down the minutes until I can take another Darvocet.

My first hot flash.......

....oh wait.....I haven't had the surgery yet.....must mean Chris has the heat up to 90 again.

2 3 good things about having this surgery. 1. There is no chance of 3 females having AF at the same time in this house. 2. I will have already gone through menopause before the girls get crabby. 3. I will never again have AF....which means, no more pain or wasting spending money on plugs and pads.

I am betting Chris likes the last one best, he had told me years ago that he would never buy feminine products but he has been buying them the last few months. He has even called me from his cell to make sure he got the right ones.....guess I must get a little to bitchy and he wanted to make sure he bought the right ones.

Oh the pain!

Once again Mother Nature has decided to remind me why I am having a hysterectomy. I am one of the many lucky women who have been blessed with Endometriosis. I have been in for a few Laparoscopic surgeries to have it removed but it keeps coming back sooner and worse then the last time. I am now 41 with 3 children and even though I would LOVE more I know it is better to stop now so I am opting for a hysterectomy instead of numerous Laps before I hit menopause, so Jan 15 I will be having the Davinci surgery to remove my cervix, uterus, left ovary and the right ovary if it has a lot of Endo on it or still has a cyst on it.

I'm not going to lie, I still have days where I am not sure I want to go through with this and I am nowhere near ready for menopause but I can't take the pain.....no I am not a wimp....it took me a year before having my first Lap and that was b/c I was tired of the pain....now the pain just gets worse every cycle and if I don't pop pills at the start then I can't control it and I HATE taking meds. I know I am going to be a bitch and hope to use this blog to get the bitch out of me instead of Chris(husband) or the kids. Chris and Dakota(son) have already told me they have plans to lock me in a room and throw food in to me if I get bad.....sure hope I get to have my laptop with me....yes they were kidding....I hope anyway.

Me and my big mouth

I just had to tell a dear friend that I would start a blog if she reached 100 blogs before Christmas....she did it.....I think she cheated....I don't think pictures should count.....but I didn't tell her that so here I am starting a blog with no idea on how to start it.